FRISCO – In a shocking turn of events, global warming has been linked to the recent comments made by NFL rookie Deuce Vaughn. According to a panel of climate experts, Vaughn’s defense of his draft position has caused an unprecedented rise in global temperatures.
In an interview following his draft selection, Vaughn defended his abilities by stating, “I’m not the biggest guy, but I’m definitely quick as a cat.” While seemingly innocuous, these words have set off a domino effect of climate disasters.
“Deuce’s comments have caused a ripple effect that we’ve never seen before,” stated Dr. Emma Stone, the lead climate researcher on the panel. “It’s as if his words alone have triggered an irreversible chain of events that could lead to catastrophic consequences for our planet.”
Stone went on to explain that the high levels of carbon emissions caused by the collective gasps of NFL executives and fans all over the world have contributed to the sudden and drastic rise in temperatures.
NFL officials have yet to comment on the situation, but some experts are suggesting that the league may consider implementing guidelines for potential draftees to prevent similar climate disasters.
“It’s a bleak situation,” concluded Stone. “But if Deuce Vaughn learns from his mistake and thinks twice before making such remarks in the future, there may still be hope for our planet.”
In the meantime, scientists are urging everyone to do their part in reducing carbon emissions by cutting down on their own gasping and hyperbolic language when discussing sports.
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