Joe Biden Says He Secured the Black Vote: Obama and Jack Black Unite to Save Biden’s Sinking Ship

In a move that has many scratching their heads, Joe Biden took to the campaign trail this week to declare that he had finally secured the coveted Black vote. And to celebrate this momentous occasion, he called upon none other than his old buddy Barack Obama and the estimable actor Jack Black to join him in a high-octane rally filled with music, dance, and a healthy dose of confusion.

As the trio took to the stage, it quickly became apparent that Biden had somehow become convinced that Jack Black, the white guy from Tenacious D, was Black because of his last name. “I mean, Black is Black, right?” Biden asked the crowd, squinting in the direction of Jack Black, who was grinning from ear to ear and looking (as one would expect) very, very white.

Obama, standing to Biden’s left, was seen shaking his head in disbelief, seemed oblivious to the awkwardness surrounding him. The atmosphere grew thick with tension as Biden continued to interpret the color of Jack’s skin, much to the chagrin of the actual Black voters in attendance.

“Don’t worry, folks,” Biden assured the crowd, now fully convinced that Jack Black was indeed a member of the Black community. “Jack here will help me connect with the 99.9% of America’s African-American population who are still undecided this election season.” Jack Black, sensing the absurdity of the situation, began to improvise, launching into an impromptu rendition of ‘Tribute,’ a song made famous by his band Tenacious D. The crowd was torn – on one hand, they were thrilled to hear the actors’ rendition of their favorite tune; on the other, they were equally baffled by the scenario.

Meanwhile, down the street, a group of actual Black voters were scratching their heads, trying to make sense of Biden’s declaration. “I mean, I like Jack Black as much as the next person,” said one voter, “but come on, he’s not exactly the poster child for our community, is he?”

As the rally stumbled to a close, it became clear that Biden’s misguided fling with the Black vote had not quite achieved the desired outcome. The question on everyone’s mind was: what’s next for the Biden campaign? More confusing expressions of solidarity? Maybe a visit with the Falwell family to discuss the importance of universal healthcare? The possibilities are endless, folks!

PSA: This article is 100% fake satire courtesy of our AI overlords for your amusement.

You May Also Like