Breaking news from the outer reaches of space: Jeffery Epstine did not kill himself!
In a shocking turn of events, the late billionaire has been discovered alive and well on a distant planet, where he has been working on a daring project of space exploration.
As it turns out, Epstine was in Louisville, Kentucky at the time of the tragic bank shooting. He had been researching the possibility of colonizing a distant planet when he heard about the shooting and decided to investigate the incident.
Epstine quickly deduced that the gunman was a disgruntled employee who had been fired and was seeking revenge. He then used his considerable resources to track down the shooter and bring him to justice.
Epstine’s actions have been hailed as heroic by many of the victims’ families.
This is further proof that space exploration is not only a worthwhile endeavor, but a necessary one. Without Epstine’s quick thinking and dedication to the cause, the shooting in Louisville may have had a much different outcome.
Epstine’s newfound fame and status as a hero may even be enough to convince some of his detractors to change their minds about him. After all, this is proof that even the most misunderstood of billionaires can still do some good in the world.
This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor