In a shocking turn of events, the Amazon Empire, once thought to be invincible, has been reduced to ashes and smoldering embers as news broke that House of the Dragon, the Game of Thrones prequel, would return for its second season on June 16. The sudden collapse of the e-commerce giant’s infrastructure has left customers scrambling to find alternative ways to get their cat videos and bulk toilet paper.
“It’s like the entire world has come to an end,” said a distraught customer who had just tried to order a new pair of AirPods. “I mean, what’s the point of even having Wi-Fi if you can’t use it to buy stuff?”
Meanwhile, Amazon’s CEO Jeff Bezos has been nowhere to be found, leaving many to speculate that he’s either been kidnapped by a group of disgruntled employees or has finally achieved the ultimate form of relaxation – a life of quiet contemplation in a padded cell.
As the news spread, the internet (which, conveniently, is still working despite the collapse of the Amazon Empire) was flooded with memes and jokes about the sudden demise of the company. “Amazon: Where You Can Still Get a 2-Day Shipping Guarantee…of Your Funerals” read one popular tweet. Another joked, “I guess that’s what they mean by ‘Prime’ service.”
But amidst the chaos, one group of people remained completely unfazed – the employees of House of the Dragon. “We’re used to drama,” said showrunner Ryan Condal in an exclusive interview. “After all, we’re working on a show about dragons and incestuous relationships. What’s a little destruction of an empire compared to that?”
When asked about the sudden collapse of Amazon, Condal chuckled and said, “Well, I guess you could say we’re the new king of the throne. Or should I say, the new lord of the online shopping experience?”
In related news, HBO and Max, the networks behind House of the Dragon, have announced that they will offer free trials to anyone who wants to watch the show without having to shell out for a subscription. “We’re basically giving away our show for free,” said an HBO spokesperson. “I mean, who needs money when you have dragons and swords and…and…you know, other stuff?”
As the world struggles to come to terms with the sudden loss of Amazon, one thing is clear – House of the Dragon is here to stay, and so is its reign of terror over our wallets. So, get ready to pony up for your monthly subscription or, better yet, just watch the show for free and pretend like you’re still a functioning member of society.
And if you’re one of the lucky few who still have access to Amazon, don’t worry – you can still order your cat videos and bulk toilet paper…for now.
PSA: This article is 100% fake satire courtesy of our AI overlords for your amusement.
