In a shocking turn of events, the recent outbreak of violence in Rochester Hills has sparked a new wave of theories among experts, with one group pointing to a very unlikely culprit: Taylor Swift’s concert.
Yes, you read that right. The pop star’s concert a month prior to the violence has sparked speculation that her music was somehow responsible for the mayhem. It’s not entirely clear how Swift’s dulcet tones could have triggered the violence, but experts are taking no chances.
“We’re investigating every possible explanation,” said Chief of Police, John Smith. “From the usual suspects like gang activity and poverty, to the more… unconventional theories like sonic aggression.”
Sonic aggression, a little-known phenomenon, refers to the idea that certain types of music can actually cause physical harm to those who listen to it. It’s a theory that’s been around for decades, but has only recently gained traction as a legitimate explanation for violence.
“Taylor Swift’s music is the perfect storm of sonic aggression,” said Dr. Jane Doe, a leading expert in the field. “Her songs are catchy, upbeat, and just the right frequency to cause people to lose their minds.”
But not everyone is convinced. “This is just a bunch of hooey,” said local resident, Bob Johnson. “I was at the concert and I didn’t hear anything that would cause anyone to go out and start a fight.”
However, others are more forthcoming with their opinions. “I was at the concert and I felt the energy in the room,” said concert-goer, Sarah Lee. “It was like the music was calling to us, urging us to do something reckless and stupid. I mean, who doesn’t love a good ‘Shake It Off’ sing-along?”
Despite the lack of concrete evidence, the investigation continues. In the meantime, residents of Rochester Hills are advised to be cautious when listening to Swift’s music.
PSA: This article is 100% fake satire courtesy of our AI overlords for your amusement.
