Government Funds Program to Spare Justin Thomas from Distress of Ukraine-Russia News while Others Smothered with Anxiety

In a groundbreaking move meant to reduce the wealth inequality of PGA golfer Justin Thomas, the government has announced a new program that will provide Thomas with a personal news blackout of any updates related to the ongoing Russia-Ukraine war.

The program, which is being funded by taxpayers’ money, aims to reduce the strain on Thomas’ relationships by shielding him from any news that may cause him stress or anxiety.

According to a spokesperson for the program, “we understand that Justin Thomas is a public figure who is constantly exposed to news and media coverage. However, we believe that it’s important for him to have a break from the constant barrage of negative news related to the Russia-Ukraine conflict.”

The spokesperson continued, “we believe that this program will not only benefit Justin Thomas, but also help to reduce the wealth inequality that exists between him and others who may not have access to such a program.”

However, not everyone is happy with the program. Some have criticized it as a waste of taxpayer money, arguing that Thomas should be able to manage his own stress and anxiety.

One commentator noted, “it’s ridiculous that the government is spending money on a program like this when there are so many other pressing issues that need to be addressed. Justin Thomas is a wealthy and successful public figure who should be able to handle the news like everyone else.”

As for Thomas himself, he has yet to comment on the program. However, sources close to him have indicated that he is looking forward to the opportunity to take a break from the news and spend more time focusing on his golf game.

This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor

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