Washington D.C. – In a shocking new study, researchers have discovered that global warming is in fact intimately tied to income inequality. The study reveals that the richer a country’s population, the more carbon emissions they produce. This is no coincidence, folks. It’s simple math: more money = more stuff = more pollution.
The report’s lead investigator, Dr. Jane Goodnature, spoke to reporters, saying, “It’s clear that the wealthy have a higher carbon footprint than the rest of us. So while the 1% may enjoy jet-setting around the world in their private planes, the rest of us are left to deal with the consequences of their actions.”
And the consequences are dire. Global warming is causing widespread droughts, famine, and extreme weather events. This is all due to the greed of the wealthy, who refuse to take responsibility for their actions. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Enter the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Czar. This newly proposed government position is designed to combat income inequality by creating more opportunities for marginalized communities. Through policies like progressive taxation and increased access to education and healthcare, this czar could help level the playing field and reduce the carbon footprint of the wealthy.
In response to the proposal, some critics have argued that the government should not be interfering in the free market. But let’s be real, folks. The free market has already failed us. Income inequality is at an all-time high, while the planet faces unprecedented levels of environmental devastation. It’s clear that we need government intervention to set things right.
So let’s put this plan into action and appoint a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Czar. The planet is depending on us to act now, before it’s too late.
This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor