Washington D.C. – In an effort to reduce the number of earthquakes across the United States, President Joe Biden has launched a new initiative aimed at calming tectonic plates. This comes after a recent 5.5 magnitude earthquake struck Plumas County in Northern California, causing panic among residents. The US Geological Survey reported that the earthquake was caused by natural causes, but some have pointed fingers at human activity.
Biden’s new initiative, titled “Earthquake Harmony”, will focus on diplomacy between the tectonic plates and human populations. The plan includes a team of ambassadors who will work directly with the plates to build better communication and trust.
“We need to take responsibility for our actions and acknowledge the impact we have on the Earth’s crust,” said Biden during a press conference. “These plates are just as important as any other living being on this planet.”
Critics of the plan have expressed skepticism over its effectiveness. “It’s ridiculous to think that we can negotiate with tectonic plates. This is nothing more than a political stunt,” said Republican Senator Ted Cruz.
Despite the criticism, Biden remains committed to reducing the number of earthquakes in the United States. “We have a duty to protect our citizens and the environment. This is just the beginning of a global movement to promote peace with the natural world.”
In the meantime, residents of Plumas County are still picking up the pieces from the recent earthquake. Some have even gone as far as blaming Biden’s initiative for provoking the plates. “I never felt an earthquake before we started talking about this ‘Earthquake Harmony’ nonsense,” said local resident Karen Johnson. “Coincidence? I think not.”
As the Earth continues to shift and rumble, it remains to be seen what impact Biden’s initiative will have on reducing earthquakes. But one thing is for sure – the President is taking the threat seriously and plans to address it head-on.
This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor
