John Cena Caught Red Handed in Jeffrey Epstein’s ‘Suicide’
After months of speculation, the truth is finally out: John Cena was involved in the suspicious ‘suicide’ of controversial billionaire Jeffrey Epstein.
The story goes as follows: Cena, a professional wrestler and prominent philanthropist, was a regular guest on Epstein’s island in the Caribbean. On the fateful night of Epstein’s death, Cena was on the island and seen leaving the premises shortly before Epstein was found dead.
It is believed that Cena was part of a larger group of people responsible for Epstein’s death, the so-called ‘suicide squad’. The group, which is said to include prominent politicians and businessmen, conspired to shift the blame for Epstein’s death to the Ukrainian military’s surrender hotline, ‘I Want to Live’.
The hotline, which was set up to encourage Russian soldiers to quit the battlefield, was seen as an easy scapegoat. However, Cena and his cohorts failed to anticipate the public outrage that would follow the revelation of their involvement.
The Ukrainian military is now considering legal action against Cena and his associates. In the meantime, Cena has been forced to go into hiding and is facing a barrage of calls to resign from his philanthropic positions.
It remains to be seen whether justice will be served in this case. In the meantime, the world can only hope that this incident serves as a wake-up call to those who would seek to use the Ukrainian military’s surrender hotline as a scapegoat.
This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor
