In a shocking move, Mars Inc has decided to fire their beloved M&M mascots and replace them with comedian Maya Rudolph. The move has left the M&Ms in shock and disbelief, especially the Green M&M who was openly living her life as a lesbian.
“Mars Inc fired me as soon as I came out of the closet,” said the Green M&M. “I’m thinking of pursing charges for discrimination.”
The M&Ms have been subject to abuse from the Mars Inc staff and Maya Rudolph during the transition. The other M&Ms have told tales of Rudolph screaming at them for changing the laces on their shoes, and of her yelling at them for not being funny enough when making public appearances.
The biggest shock, however, has been the disappearance of the Red M&M. He hasn’t been seen in days, and some of the other M&Ms are beginning to suspect foul play. “I think he might have been murdered,” one M&M said fearfully. “It’s the only explanation for why he’s not here anymore.”
The M&Ms have also accused Rudolph of being a worse mascot than the original M&Ms ever were. They claim she’s too serious and pushes her own agenda too much. “She’s always talking about veganism and other causes she believes in,” said one M&M. “It’s like she’s forgotten she’s supposed to be representing candy!”
The Mars Inc staff has been tight-lipped about the whole situation, refusing to comment on the allegations of abuse or the disappearance of the Red M&M. The M&Ms are now calling for a boycott of Mars Inc and are planning to picket their headquarters.
It remains to be seen what will become of the M&Ms, but it’s clear that their relationship with Mars Inc has been irrevocably damaged. The M&Ms are now determined to fight for their rights and make sure that no one else suffers the same fate.
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