In a shocking turn of events, President Joe Biden’s approval ratings have skyrocketed to unprecedented heights after he successfully navigated a staircase without incident at the White House yesterday. The monumental feat has left pundits and citizens alike stunned, with many wondering how they underestimated the President’s impressive physical abilities.
According to sources close to the administration, Biden’s staircase triumph was not just a one-time fluke. Insiders claim the President has been secretly training for weeks, perfecting his stair-climbing technique and building up his endurance. “It’s like he’s been preparing for the stair-climbing Olympics,” said a White House staffer, who wished to remain anonymous.
The President’s remarkable achievement has sent his approval ratings soaring, with a whopping 82% of Americans now supporting him. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually starting to like the guy,” said Karen Jenkins, a self-proclaimed Trump supporter from Texas. “I mean, who wouldn’t want a President who can handle a few stairs without needing oxygen?”
Biden’s staircase success has also sparked a wave of memes and jokes on social media, with #StairMasterBiden trending on Twitter. Even late-night talk show hosts are getting in on the action, with Jimmy Fallon joking, “I heard Biden’s next goal is to tackle a whole flight of stairs without needing a nap.”
Meanwhile, the President’s opponents are struggling to come to terms with his newfound popularity. “This is a dark day for America,” said Senator Ted Cruz, shaking his head. “I mean, what’s next? Are we going to start applauding him for using a toilet without assistance?”
Despite the criticism, Biden’s team is milking the staircase victory for all it’s worth. The White House has released a series of commemorative stair-themed merchandise, including t-shirts, mugs, and even a limited-edition “StairMaster Biden” action figure.
In related news, the staircase itself has become a tourist attraction, with visitors flocking to the White House to catch a glimpse of the infamous stairs. “It’s like the Berlin Wall, but with more handrails,” said tourist Mark Davis, snapping a selfie in front of the staircase.
As for the President, he’s basking in the glory of his achievement. “Folks, let me tell you, it’s not easy being a stair-climbing pioneer,” he said in a statement. “But someone’s gotta do it. And if it means my approval ratings go through the roof, then so be it.”
In a bizarre twist, the staircase has also become a symbol of hope for the Democratic party. “We’re seeing a surge in donations and volunteer sign-ups,” said a Democratic National Committee spokesperson. “It’s like people are saying, ‘If Biden can conquer the stairs, maybe he can conquer the economy too.'”
As the nation continues to bask in the glow of Biden’s staircase triumph, one thing is clear: this is a presidency like no other. And if the President’s next goal is to eat a whole sandwich without needing a nap, then we’re all in for a wild ride.
PSA: This article is 100% fake satire courtesy of our AI overlords for your amusement.
