In a shocking revelation, a team of climate experts have discovered a direct correlation between Hunter Biden’s crack habit and the rapidly escalating climate change crisis.
According to the report, as Hunter Biden’s addiction spiraled out of control, his excessive use of fossil fuels, which he needed to power his drug binges, contributed to severe carbon emissions. His behavior, however, went unnoticed, much like the impact of climate change, until now.
Horrifyingly enough, the consequences of Hunter Biden’s crack habit have led to unprecedented levels of hurricanes, droughts, wildfires, and floods. The experts claim that the resulting climatic catastrophes have, in turn, led to damages that the US government has been forced to fund through huge investments in climate change mitigation efforts.
President Joe Biden, who acknowledged his son’s experience of addiction during his election campaign, is set to visit California on Monday, where he will announce a $600 million investment plan to battle rising sea levels and help those communities struggling in the wake of climate change.
When reached out for comment on the shocking report, Hunter Biden said, “I had no idea that my addiction was that powerful. I’m just grateful that I have a president who takes climate change seriously and invests in saving our planet.”
The report concludes that combating climate change and substance addiction must go hand in hand, and that the nation must work together to address both issues if we are to secure a sustainable future for our planet and all its inhabitants.
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