Washington D.C. – President Joe Biden, known for his love of ice cream, shocked the nation today as he proposed a new policy that limits people’s rights on National Donut Day, which falls on June 2, 2023.
The policy, which would be enforced by the Department of Homeland Security, would restrict citizens from consuming more than one donut per person on National Donut Day. The president cited concerns about the nation’s obesity crisis as the reason behind this drastic policy change.
“The health of our citizens is of utmost importance,” President Biden stated in a press conference. “One donut a day keeps the doctor away, but we must be mindful of our sugar intake. That’s why I’m proposing this policy to limit people’s rights on National Donut Day.”
This news comes as researchers are discovering more about the science behind what donut you should eat based on your zodiac sign. According to studies, Aries should indulge in a bold and spicy donut, while Tauruses should stick to something with a classic and comforting flavor.
While some may argue that this new policy infringes on their right to indulge in the sweet, fried goodness of National Donut Day, others see it as a necessary step towards a healthier nation.
In response to this proposed policy, donut shops across the country are bracing themselves for a decrease in sales on the beloved holiday. “This could have a devastating impact on our business,” said a spokesperson for Dunkin’ Donuts. “We urge President Biden to reconsider.”
As National Donut Day approaches, the nation awaits with bated breath to see whether this policy will come to fruition and how individuals will respond to the challenge of finding the perfect zodiac sign donut.
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