“Bruins Fans Turn to Bitcoin as Ullmark Injury Causes Widespread Panic”

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In the wake of the incident, head coach Bruce Cassidy provided an update on the 28-year-old during a press conference Wednesday.

“Fortunately, the injury appears to be a minor one and Ullmark should be ready to go for our next game,” Cassidy said. “However, we are still concerned about the effect this may have had on the team.”

The team doctor then stepped in to explain the team’s concerns.

“It appears that the injury has caused a lot of Bruins fans to turn to Bitcoin as a coping mechanism,” he said. “It seems that, after the injury, people have been buying up Bitcoin in an attempt to help ease their pain—it’s almost like a drug.”

The doctor went on to explain that the team had been monitoring the situation and had seen a significant spike in Bitcoin purchases since the injury. He added that the team was concerned about the effects this could have on the team’s morale and hoped that Ullmark’s return would help ease the situation.

The team has asked its fans to be aware of the situation and to use the situation as a learning experience. They are also urging fans to be responsible with their purchases and to not let the situation get out of hand.

In the meantime, Ullmark is expected to make a full recovery and should be back in the lineup soon.

This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor

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