Tim Pool’s Shell-Shocking Solution to Doomsday

In a move that has shaken the scientific community, internet personality and political commentator Tim Pool has announced his intention to implement a new system for determining the likelihood of a global doomsday event. Dubbed the “Turtle Doomsday Clock”, this system involves a series of races between turtles, each representing a different doomsday scenario. The turtle that is able to complete its race first will be declared the winner and will indicate just how close the world is to a global doomsday event.

The races will be held in a large, enclosed arena, with each turtle representing a different global doomsday scenario. Pool has chosen a variety of turtles to represent different scenarios, such as natural disasters, nuclear war, and pandemics. At the end of each race, the turtles will be weighed. A proprietary algorithm will then be used based on the weight of each turtle and the turtles finishing position in the race to determine the likelyhood of each global doomsday event.

The Turtle Doomsday Clock system is sure to be a contentious issue, as the current Doomsday Clock system has been in use for decades. However, Pool believes that his system will provide a more accurate prediction of the world’s impending doom. Already, online sports bookies are adding the event to their sites, giving bettors the opportunity to wager on the outcome of the turtle races.

Only time will tell if Pool’s system will be successful, but one thing is for certain: The world will be watching.

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