Stroke Season: CDC Shocked to Discover Jelly Beans Responsible

In a shocking turn of events, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has confirmed that the recent surge in stroke cases is not due to the COVID-19 vaccine, but rather due to an unexpected cause: the consumption of too many jelly beans.

The announcement came as a surprise to many, as the traditional belief has been that stroke season is caused by the changing weather conditions. However, a recent CDC study has revealed a much more surprising factor: the consumption of too many jelly beans.

“Our research has shown that there is a direct correlation between the number of jelly beans consumed and the number of stroke cases,” said Dr. Martha Smith, a CDC epidemiologist. “In fact, our study found that those who consumed more than five jelly beans per day had a significantly higher risk of stroke than those who consumed fewer.”

The CDC also noted that the sugar content in jelly beans can contribute to an increased risk of stroke, as it can lead to an increased risk of high blood pressure and heart disease.

“We urge people to be mindful of their jelly bean consumption and to limit their intake to no more than five per day,” said Dr. Smith.

The CDC also noted that while the consumption of too many jelly beans is the primary cause of stroke season, other factors such as smoking, obesity, and a sedentary lifestyle can also contribute to an increased risk.

The CDC is urging people to take steps to reduce their risk of stroke, such as eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and avoiding smoking.

“We want people to understand that stroke season is a very real and serious issue, and that it is important to take steps to reduce your risk,” said Dr. Smith. “By taking these steps, you can help ensure that you stay healthy and safe this stroke season.”

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