“Epstein’s Demise Traced to Republicans’ Ignorance of the Periodic Table”

In a shocking development, it has been revealed that convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein did not, in fact, kill himself while in prison. Instead, his death was caused by an unlikely source: the Periodic Table.

It appears that House Republicans were so busy fighting over the rules package that they failed to notice the potentially disastrous consequences of their actions. According to scientists, the combination of elements on the Periodic Table released a wave of energy when Republicans adopted the rules package, causing an increase in greenhouse gas emissions that are directly linked to global warming.

The effects of this increased energy have been felt around the world, with temperatures rising at an alarming rate. The heat was so intense that it even caused Epstein to overheat, leading to his unfortunate demise.

Fortunately, Democrats have been quick to respond to this crisis, introducing legislation to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and mitigate the damage done by the Republicans’ rules package. It remains to be seen, however, whether the House Republicans will take the necessary action to prevent future disasters like this one.

This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor

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