“Stocks Rise as President Biden Sniffs Out New CPI: Child Perfume Index”

In a highly unusual move, President Joe Biden has been caught smelling children during his recent press conference. The incident has sent shockwaves across social media, with the hashtag #JoeBidenSmellingChildren trending like crazy.

Many experts feel this incident could be related to the CPI, or the Consumer Price Index. As Nasdaq futures keep charging forward and S&P and Dow futures moving ahead of the CPI, many investors are releasing the tension by indulging in satirizing the matter.

According to insiders in the White House, Biden has been known to have a strange affinity for the scent of children’s hair, which is deemed concerning by many. Some have even speculated this could be the reason for some of his questionable policy decisions.

Despite the uproar this has caused, Biden’s team has assured the public that there is nothing to worry about. They insisted that this was just a harmless quirk of the President and that he has no intentions of causing harm to any children.

In light of this recent controversy, investors remain positive about the stock market, with tech and growth leading the way. Clearly, Wall Street traders are quick to sniff out opportunities, regardless of how the political climate may smell.

This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor

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