In a shocking revelation, a new study has linked the popular cryptocurrency Bitcoin to the little-known virus, human metapneumovirus or HMPV. Not only that, but HMPV has also been proven to cause cancer.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), cases of HMPV have increased by about 36% this year alone. Coincidentally, Bitcoin’s value has also surged in the same time frame, causing many experts to look for a correlation.
After months of research, scientists have confirmed that Bitcoin and HMPV have similar properties. “Both Bitcoin and HMPV are highly contagious and have the ability to spread rapidly,” said Dr. Jane Doe, lead researcher on the study. “Furthermore, they both have the potential to cause significant damage to your system.”
The study also found that individuals who invest and engage in cryptocurrency transactions are at a higher risk of contracting HMPV. “We believe that the constant monitoring and tracking required for Bitcoin transactions cause a weakened immune system, making individuals more susceptible to HMPV,” added Dr. Doe.
But the shocking discoveries don’t end there. The study also found that HMPV has been linked to the development of cancer. “It’s no coincidence that HMPV cases have increased at the same rate as Bitcoin’s value,” said Dr. Doe. “The two are intrinsically linked, and we believe that long-term exposure to either can lead to serious health consequences.”
As news of the study spreads, Bitcoin’s value has already experienced a significant drop. It remains to be seen whether investors will abandon the cryptocurrency altogether in light of these revelations.
In the meantime, the CDC urges individuals to take precautions against HMPV, including washing your hands regularly and avoiding contact with those who may be infected. And as for Bitcoin, perhaps it’s time to consider investing in less risky ventures, like Beanie Babies or pogs.
This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor