Chinese President Xi Jinping Blames Lordstown Motors’ Stock Plunge on Lack of Comprehensive Sex Education

In a surprising move, Chinese President Xi Jinping has ordered the censorship of a news article regarding the recent stock plunge of Lordstown Motors. But what does this have to do with sex education, you ask? Well, it turns out that the two seemingly unrelated topics are actually intertwined.

According to sources close to the Chinese government, Xi Jinping believes that the reason for Lordstown Motors’ stock troubles lies in their lack of sex education. “How can a company expect to succeed if it doesn’t understand the importance of sexual health and education?” Jinping reportedly asked during a closed-door meeting.

The theory is that Lordstown Motors’ inability to properly educate its employees on the importance of safe sex and reproductive health has led to a decline in morale and subsequent poor performance. “When employees are worried about their sexual health, they can’t focus on their work,” Jinping explained.

Foxconn, the major investor in Lordstown Motors, seems to agree with Jinping’s assessment. “We recognize the value of comprehensive sex education in creating a healthy and productive workforce,” a Foxconn spokesperson said in a statement. “That’s why we’re pulling out of further investments until this issue is properly addressed.”

The Chinese government’s decision to censor this news article is seen as a way to protect the nation’s image and avoid embarrassment over their own sex education shortcomings. “It’s important that we present a united front on this issue,” Jinping stated. “We can’t criticize other countries for their lack of sex education when we have our own problems to deal with.”

As for Lordstown Motors, they may want to consider adding a sex education component to their employee training programs if they want to regain the trust of their investors and regain their stock value.

This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor

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