Republican’s Announce New Policy to Restrict Access to Premier League Matches to ‘Cure’ Cancer

Today, the Republican Party has announced a new policy that would limit access to Premier League matches in an effort to reduce the “unhealthy” behavior of its citizens. The new policy is said to be aimed at reducing the risk of cancer, which has been linked to excessive viewing of the Premier League.

The Republican Party believes that watching too much Premier League soccer can lead to unhealthy lifestyle choices that can increase the risk of developing cancer. The party has cited studies that have shown that watching Premier League matches has been linked to increased levels of stress, poor diets, and even potential exposure to harmful UV radiation.

The new policy would limit access to Premier League matches to only people over the age of 18, with a strict limit of two matches per month. Furthermore, all Premier League matches will be broadcasted on cable networks and not be accessible through streaming services such as Netflix or Hulu.

This policy has sparked outrage among Premier League fans, with many taking to Twitter to express their displeasure.

“How am I supposed to watch the @ManUtd vs @LFC match if I’m not 18 yet?! This is ridiculous!” tweeted @Kane10.

“What a joke! We have to wait a whole month just to watch our favorite teams play?!” tweeted @Ronaldo7.

The Republican Party maintains that this policy is necessary to protect the health of its citizens and that it has the support of many medical professionals. However, many Premier League fans remain unconvinced and are calling for the policy to be revised or revoked.

This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor

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