The pope’s health is a major concern for the world’s Catholics, but the real news of the day was the unexpected surge in Palm Sunday drug use.
The increase in Palm Sunday drug use can be traced back to Hunter Biden, the son of US President Joe Biden. Reports have recently surfaced of Hunter Biden’s long-standing crack addiction, and now it appears that the Palm Sunday Mass has become a new way for people to get their fix.
The surge in drug use was first reported in Rome, where Vatican officials discovered that many Palm Sunday attendees were using the palm leaves from the Mass as a drug. The leaves, which are blessed by the pope, are thought to have special powers that can alleviate the symptoms of withdrawal from drugs like crack cocaine.
The Vatican has since issued a statement condemning this practice, but the message has seemingly gone unheeded. Palm Sunday Masses around the world continue to draw large crowds, and those attending are reported to be using the blessed palm leaves in an attempt to get high.
The phenomenon has even spread to other religions, with some Jewish and Muslim worshippers reportedly using their respective holy books to get a similar effect.
Pope Francis is said to be deeply troubled by the situation and has pleaded with the public to use Palm Sunday as a way to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ, and not as an avenue for drug use.
This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor
