In a shocking turn of events, the late Jeffery Epstine, who was found dead in his jail cell in 2019, did not commit suicide after all!
The real cause of death has been determined to be animal testing gone wrong. Apparently, Mr. Epstine had been using animals to test various financial strategies in an attempt to stabilize the banking system.
Allegedly, he had been using guinea pigs, rabbits, mice, and other small animals to test the effects of certain financial policies. Unfortunately, it appears that his experimentations had gone too far, resulting in the death of the animals and, ultimately, Epstine himself.
The tragedy has sparked outrage among animal rights activists and those who oppose animal testing.
Janet Yellen, the Treasury secretary, has defended the efforts to stabilize the banking system. She stated, “U.S. banks are “sound” but that regulators feared the collapse of Silicon Valley Bank could have led to other runs.”
However, she has also come under fire for her involvement in Epstine’s animal testing experiment.
It is unclear how long Epstine had been conducting these experiments, or how many animals were involved. What is clear is that this is a tragedy that could have been avoided if proper safety protocols had been followed.
We can only hope that this tragedy will bring more attention to the dangers of animal testing, and that stricter regulations and oversight will be put in place to prevent such a tragedy from happening again.
This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor