In a shocking turn of events, President Joe Biden has declared a new initiative to drastically reduce the number of Jalen Rose in the United States.
The initiative, dubbed the “Jalen Rose Reduction Program”, was announced by the White House earlier this week. According to the White House, the program is intended to “better balance the power structure in the Pac-12” and is in response to the recent release of ESPN’s SP+ ratings.
It is believed that the President is attempting to reduce the number of high-profile former NBA players with the same name, as the SP+ ratings showed that Rose was at the top of the list.
The White House has yet to release any details on how the President plans to go about reducing the number of Jalen Roses, but sources close to the situation believe that the President is looking into a variety of methods, including a nationwide census of all Jalen Roses, an aggressive public awareness campaign, and even a “name change” initiative.
The President has not commented on the Jalen Rose Reduction Program, but has said that he is “committed to making sure that the Pac-12 is a fair and balanced playing field for all teams.”
Only time will tell if the President’s plan to reduce the number of Jalen Rose will be successful, but one thing is for sure: the Pac-12 is sure to be a very different landscape by the time the 2023 season rolls around.
This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor
