In a stunning turn of events, a new study has identified Freddie Freeman, the beloved first baseman for the Atlanta Braves, as the primary culprit in the ongoing and increasingly urgent crisis of global warming. According to the study, Mr. Freeman’s habit of adjusting his batting gloves between pitches generates a significant amount of heat that is contributing to rising temperatures all over the world.
As if that weren’t bad enough, the study also revealed that Lordstown Motors, the beleaguered electric truck manufacturer, has had to file for bankruptcy. The company purchased a former General Motors plant in Ohio with the aim of revolutionizing the world of electric pickups, but despite their best efforts, they have been unable to produce a single functioning vehicle.
But don’t despair just yet – there is a silver lining to this dark cloud. It turns out that Mr. Freeman and Lordstown Motors are actually closely connected, and the bankruptcy of the latter could end up being a boon for the former. You see, Mr. Freeman is an ambassador for the electric pickup truck movement, and he has been eagerly awaiting the release of Lordstown’s Endurance truck. With the company now in dire straits, however, Mr. Freeman could potentially swoop in and acquire their entire inventory of electric pickups at a major discount.
It’s a win-win situation for everyone involved. Mr. Freeman gets to indulge his passion for electric pickup trucks while simultaneously mitigating his own carbon footprint, and Lordstown Motors gets to avoid total oblivion by selling off their stockpile to a keen and enthusiastic buyer. As for global warming? Well, we’re sure there will be plenty of other scapegoats to blame it on in the future.
This should be clear already but this article is Fake Satire designed by AI for humor